This extend primarily to the realm of thinking, as I’ve been reading a lot new ideas and philosophies that I can feel my own eroding. Therefore, it is extremely important that I DO NOT engage with things that I want to write or do, until I’ve done them. I feel like there is no use in exploring an explored territory. Relying on tutorials, guides, and maps, WILL kill my desire for exploration.This means doing stuff that I might not usually do, and stopping things when they feel bad. Currently I’m trying to challenge that urge to be perfect by starting and ending things willy-nilly, doing things as a reaction to my emotions. I have a big perfectionism problem, and it is killing my ability to just do stuff.I won’t say that taking their opinion on things is necessarily a bad thing, however as finding my Individuality is an important part of my current growth, I have decided that I will slowly lower the effect that my parents reaction have on what I want to do. Choose project that fits my taste and also my parent’s taste. This, I think, was a coping mechanism that I used in order to choose my battles appropriately. This is extremely apparent when I told my mum that I would be stopping this progress and her reaction was devastating to my mental mind. A lot of my decision making is based on how my parent reacts.Was it fun? Yeah! Very! There was a lot of lesson learned about what sort of things I find fun, interesting, and the process shined toward a few quirks of mine that I wasn’t able to fully acknowledge. I think that what i "vibe" with currently is the status quo, and the way toward the next, better "vibe" takes more energy than i am comfortable with- Nobu Hibiki January 22, 2021 I am stopping the game design process, closing it for now, and this piece is my review if I ever want to go back It took me around three days of fucking around to find the answer that my heart want, but it took me 11 days to write it out. I could be doing Discourse™ with the ingroup, there’s this cool ceremonial cocoa thing, Stardew Valley looked interesting, I could start cultivating my aesthetic and a lot of other interesting thing that would bring more value to me right now. There was a lot of other different thing that I found more interesting than this slog of a game design process. Should I continue this game making endeavor even though I no longer enjoy it, or should I just cut loss here and start something else? This also ties to my process of aesthetic exploration (which I’m gonna get into later) where fucking around and doing stuff is an important part of that process.Īnd so, I was at a conundrum. This is really important because I have problems with initiative and lowering the barrier of entry and exit for new projects is important if I want to do exploration.